Question:

My problem is that I can’t climax with intercourse. I’ve been married two years and I have to fake it. I do climax, but only when my clitoris is stimulated.

Answer:

During intercourse men reach orgasms primarily through stroking and friction. But, for many women, this is not enough. It may be frustrating for women who enjoy intercourse as a sensual, emotional time with their partners, but not an orgasmic one.

For many women, clitoral stimulation is necessary to reach orgasm. For example, a study conducted by Shere Hite found this was true for 70 percent of the women surveyed. Since so many women respond this way, it would be better if we stopped viewing this as a "problem." Instead, think of the way you reach orgasm as the one that's right for you.

"Faking orgasm paints women into a corner and takes their partners right with them."

     Your husband probably thinks he is doing things that are a turn-on. So, he has little reason to experiment with creating other sensations for you. If all is well, he may reason, why make big changes? Meanwhile, you've been frustrated and have reached the conclusion that faking it is better than helping him understand how sexual arousal really builds for you. Stop pretending and see what happens. Be more open and tell him that for your own reasons you wanted him to believe that you had orgasms from intercourse. Also say that you'd really like your sexual relationship to be as genuine as possible from now on. Or though I recommend the open approach you can say nothing and slowly make changes without giving him the false impressions that faking does.

"To have an orgasm from intercourse (or any other way) you need to get ready for it mentally."

     Though orgasms are physical responses, most women who are orgasmic during intercourse use their minds to guide their bodies to take in plenty of stimulation from whatever sources they can. No one intercourse position works for all orgasmic women. Some prefer being on top to control their movements; others think they can control the man's movements best when he's on top. Facing each other side-by-side suits some women and rear entry from the side or from above does it for others.

     Some positions are better because they allow easy access to the clitoris. And, others, such as face-to-face, are preferred because they feel more emotionally connected. They key is to try different positions several times and see which if any really please you. Try stimulating the side of your vagina closest to your stomach during intercourse. Some women find it uniquely pleasurable. Sexual researchers are currently calling that area the G-spot. Some women who are orgasmic from vaginal stimulation like extensive clitoral stimulation as a "starter." Others find it easier to have a vaginally induced orgasm if they have one from clitoral stimulation first. Include more clitoral stimulation in your sexual experiences. It can come from your hand, your husband's, his mouth or a vibrator. Have an orgasm from it. Then experiment with vaginal stimulation in a relaxed, unpressured way. See if it gives you other aroused feelings.