Not every man these days is in the position of making love to a virgin. One man said, "What is a virgin ? I never met one!" Men who are in thins position should realize that it a rare pleasure, but also a pleasure that comes with important responsibilities.

     The first time a person makes love-man or woman-is a particularly emotional event. It will probably be a lifelong memory, and will almost certainly color a person's feeling about physical intimacy for years afterward. This is especially true for a woman. The first time may be traumatic for a man, but for a woman, it can be outright painful both psychologically and physically. The man who makes love to her for the first time can put her on the road to fulfilling sex life, or he can burden her will all sorts of fear and sexual anxieties.

     "I've counted it up,: says a friend of mine, sheepisly, "and, believe it or not, I've made love to nine virgins. I guess I must be attracted to the situation. A feeling of protectiveness comes over me. I guess I really want to be the one who makes the important event warm and good for her."

"If a woman feels anxious about making love with a man for the first time-in particular, if it's the first time with any man-the best way to put her at ease is to make her laugh."

     Before I made love with John for the first time," one woman told me, "I was really scared, I mean, I really liked him, and I was so afraid. I almost didn't want to do it. One night, after a movie, we went back to his place. He had a lot of pilloes on his sofa, and we started a pillow fight. Pillow fights aren't something I have everyday. Soon we were laughing so hard. From the time we started to kiss and touch each other, it was all so very easy."

     If you find yourself making love to a woman her first time, remind yourself how important the occasion is for her. This is one time above all others to put your own sezual interests and needs aside and to concentrate entirely on satisfying her-both physical and emotionally. Unfortunately, for many women, pain will supercede physical satisfaction, but that's no reason why you can't give her the emothional satisfaction she deserves and craves.

     Breaking the hymen is the key event. In some parts of Italy today the wedding sheets are still hung from the windows to prove that the young bride's virginity was still intact when vows were sworn. Of course, some "virgins" have already lost their hymens during sports, masturbation, or gynecological examinations. If not, breaking it can be painful, although the level of pain varies considerably.

     Begin with foreplay-as much as possible-in order to relax her body as well as put her mind at ease. Lubrication is also especially important (either oral lubrication or petroleum jelly). Proceed slowly with penetration, accompanied at all times with expressions of love and encouragement. In most cases, when you finally reach the hymen, one quick thrust will hurt less that prolonged pressing.

Immediately reassure her that the pain is over. Tell her, "We have lots of time ahead of us," or "It's going to be better that you dreamed."

     Proceed slowly and affectionately. Devote special attention to the time after sex. All women need to be areassured, to be shown how important they are, when lovemaking has come to an end. But nowhere is this truer than when a woman makes total love for the first time.

     Above all, a virgin needs reassurance. More so than most women, she needs to feel that the sex came out of caring and affection, not some primal urge. So plan to see her again, as soon as possible after making love for the first time. Wait too long and she may think you've rejected her beacuse she's "compromised" herself. In other words, don't make love to a virgin unless you'll want to make love to her again.